What Does It Mean To Be a Writer?

A question with as many answers as there are writers

In almost every writing seminar or workshop I’ve taken, I’ve been asked something along the lines of “What does being a writer mean to you?”

The point they’re usually making is that it’s important to get your head out of your fantasy of what a writer’s life is so that you can practically outline your own goals. This helps you do several things, the best of which is taking the first important step toward actually reaching those goals. It also instills a bit of accountability with the people to whom you’ve just bravely stated your hopes and dreams aloud. It can even help you stay focused when someone tries to convince you that your writing life has to look a certain way to be legitimate. 

What I like to do when I’m faced with this question is remind myself of everything that makes up my writing life. In other words, make a list of what being a writer looks like in my day-to-day experience. I often hesitate to share this with others in the session, though, because it’s so easy to get discouraged when someone says something that sounds like it should be right for them but in reality, doesn’t fit their own lives. So half my statement is usually a disclaimer reminding them that this is specifically what it means to me.

Here are some things that I would tell my younger self about her writing life to come.

To be a writer is to get used to people asking you to write a little something for the newsletter or type up a quick press release or rewrite the employee manual. Because “you’re so good at it!” they exclaim, even if they’ve never read anything you’ve written before. And no, they will not offer to pay you for your services with anything other than experience and exposure (which - let’s be very clear - does not count as payment).

To be a writer is to figure out how to say no to the projects that you would rather chew on a handful of gravel than accept. It’s also learning not to get sucked into the spiral of trying to justify your refusal. First, you don’t owe anyone a reason for saying no. And second, saying, “But I’m a fiction writer,” doesn’t really explain your decision the way you think it does, because, to people who aren’t writers, all writing is the same.

To be a writer is to respect your own time. If you accept a paid project, negotiate a price that takes into account all the actual work that goes into it (e.g., the time it takes to teach yourself how to write a press release). If you do want to volunteer your services, make sure you are clear on the details of the project so that you don’t go through the frustration of having to redo something that wasn’t what they had in mind.

To be a writer is to be a little stingy with your time (you know, like people are with the things that are important to them). Put your writing sessions down on your schedule like it’s your job, and show up. No, you aren’t free to go out for drinks that night. You already have plans. 

To be a writer is to have moments (days, months, years) of doubt in which you don’t know why you are doing this. This will happen eventually regardless of how confident you are in your ability. Unless you’re Marilynne Robinson (who refuses to be edited, which was a very scandalous thing to say to the English major/MFA crowd when she came to speak to us. I was delighted, and I hope I have that level of self-esteem someday.). 

To be a writer is to fall in love with that really good sentence you wrote. It may be enough to make you happy for the rest of the day. You will read it over and over again. That will feel silly and indulgent but lean fully into it. This is the memory that will pull you back from the brink when you teeter on the edge of imposter syndrome.

To be a writer is to become nosey. You will eavesdrop with reckless abandon. You will steal whole phrases out of dialogue that you overhear and create a character who would say such a thing just so you can use it in a story. Rather than feel guilty about it, you will take it as a sign of how much words connect us all, especially when people read it and they respond, “I love it - it reminds me of my friend!”

To be a writer is to feel guilty about a whole lot of nonsense just because your life doesn’t look like other people’s lives, and that can sometimes feel weird or wrong if you let them get in your head. Once you see these messages for what they truly are, though, you will discover an inner power you had no idea you had.

To be a writer is to spend a lot of time alone. You will love that part.

To be a writer is to be in community, because you are not a trustworthy source on how good your finished project is, and therefore you will need beta readers. Writer communities are also fantastic resources for finding learning opportunities and maybe even paid gigs. 

To be a writer is to give to your creative/writer community with a full, generous heart. You will be a beta reader, and you will be constructive and gentle about it, because you understand how hard it is to hand over your darlings to someone who may not love them as much as you do. It’s still OK to say no within this community to things that you don’t have the desire/energy/time/knowledge to do, just like it’s OK for them to say no to you. Learning to adjust your expectations to accurately reflect what each of you has to offer will be painful at first but helpful in the long run.

To be a writer is to know when to step away from a community you love but don’t really fit. This will hurt like hell. It’s still a good decision. 

To be a writer is to read. Voraciously. Broadly and deeply. Read things that are in the genre you write in. Read things in other genres so you can be happy you don’t have to write them. Read about how to write better. Read books that delve into a subject that is pivotal to your story or your characters’ lives so that you can understand it/them better. Read for fun. 

To be a writer is one of the greatest joys and biggest frustrations you will ever experience.